Why its better to be human than to be right

Why its better to be human than to be rightWhy its better to be human than to be rightSometimes its better to be kind than to be right. We do not need an mit niveau mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens. - Gautama BuddhaOur mind loves being right.A student went to his meditation teacher and said, My meditation is horrible I feel distracted I cant focus, Im constantly falling asleep. Its just horribleIt will pass, the teacher said.A week later, the student came back to his teacher. My meditation is wonderful I feel so aware, so focused, so peacefulIt will pass, the teacher replied.We get stuck in the desire to be right. And expect things to be perfect. However, things change over time. Thats the teaching of this zen story. How does it feel to be wrong? It doesnt.The realization that we are wrong is what actually hurts.Being right is overrated, especially when the price you pay for it, is being unkind, impatient and insensitive - you forget to be human.The trouble with ri ght or wrongWe look into ur hearts and see objectivity we look into our minds and see rationality we look into our beliefs and see reality. - Kathryn SchulzBeing right puts us in scrutinizing mode we are looking for evidence to prove other people wrong rather than accepting lifes imperfections.We oversimplify reality. But not everything can be divided into right or wrong.We forget we are subjects. We see reality through a subjective lens. No matter how smart or logic you are, your mind plays a role in filtering your experience.We fear being wrong. We believe if we are wrong theres something wrong with us. We become the mistake.We think wrong is a destination, not a journey. Things are fluid. Remember what happened to the meditation student his practice fluctuated from one extreme to the other.We pay a very high price. The mandate to be always rights adds immense stress. Your brain is under constant pressure either justifying your thoughts or hiding your flaws.We stop listening to ot hers. The belief of being always right assumes that everyone else is wrong. When you own the truth, you stop trying to understand other peoples points of view.Resistance to being wrong paralyzes your understanding.Kathryn Schultz, the author of Being Wrong, identified three major assumptions we make to convince ourselves that we are rightIgnorance Assumption We believe that others are uneducated or lack the information that we have. Thats why they are wrong. If we share our knowledge, they will stop being ignorant.Idiocy Assumption Other people have the same information as we do, but they cant put the pieces together. They are not as smart as we are. Thats why they are wrong.Evil Assumption We operate under the premise that others know the truth (and know we are right) but are distorting it. They are wrong on purpose - they want to cause evil.Thats the herausforderung with being right always we assume other people are wrong. They are either ignorant, idiots or just want to cause co nfusion or harm. When you play the blaming game, you stop considering the possibility that you might be the one whos wrong.No one wins the being right battleSometimes it is better to lose and do the right thing than to win and do the wrong thing. - Tony BlairBeing always right is a mask we wear its anything but authentic, as I wrote here.Being right is a paradox its built on a wrong assumption that things are objective. Reality is a by-product of our perception. We all watch the same world but observe different things. Thats the magic of being human - we are continually being challenged by others viewpoints.We live in an era of information abundance. Theres enough information to prove any theory right or wrong. Thats how science has been evolving since its beginning. Any new theory proves the former one wrong. Once we adopt a new method as correct, the former one turns into wrong.Right and wrong are fluid concepts they mutate through time and individual perspectives.We are good at manipulating data and arguments to validate our truth. Thats precisely how our brains are wired. We focus on listening and identifying the information that confirms our beliefs. We dont seek to learn, but to make a point.This mental delusion is called Confirmation Bias - We see what we believe, as I wrote here.The denial journeyIf you are afraid of being lonely, dont try to be right. - Jules RenardSelf-defined wrongologist Kathryn Schulz coined the term Error Blindness. As she explains in this TED Talk We dont have an internal cue to know that we are wrong about something until its too late.The expert also describes a cultural reason. In elementary school, we are taught that failing is associated to dumbs. As we grow up, we reinforce the notion that people that make mistakes are a failure. Thats why we focus our energy into NOT making errors ourselves.Becoming a Zero Mistake person is the delusional mindset behind why we want to be always right. Perfectionism is the worst enemy of change, as I wrote here.This delusional mindset goes through three different phases.leiter 1 We are wrong but dont realize it yetWe assume that we are right. We dont care about double checking facts or challenging our beliefs. We feel confident because we believe we own the truth.Phase 2 We realize that we are wrongEither by doing introspection or because new evidence is presented by others, we come to learn that we are wrong. This makes us feel vulnerable we are not perfect, shall we let others know that we made a mistake?Phase 3 We deny being wrongBeing right or wrong turns into a battle. We feel under scrutiny. We become defensive because we feel under attack. Even if you win the being right battle, deep inside you, you know you are wrong. Its a lose-lose situation.You burned bridges, created friction with others, just to make your point. Thats because you allowed your ego to take over.Eckhart Tolle said Needing to be right is a form of violence.The desire to impose our ideas is anything but freedom. It can range from being stubborn or inflexible to trying to dominate others by believing that we hold the truth, not others.Believing that one is always right is intellectual bullying.The upside of being wrongDoubt is a skill. Credulity, by contrast, appears to be something very like an instinct. - Kathryn SchulzWe default to being right all the time. Realizing that we can be wrong takes practice. Its an ability that needs to be nurtured. It starts by acknowledging that we are human. If others make mistakes, its unrealistic to believe you wont. Also, things will pass as it happened in the meditation zen story.Being wrong has many benefits.You accept your vulnerability. When you recognize that you are not perfect, you release a lot of pressure. Instead of trying to pretend something you are not, you become mora aware of your flaws. Once you understand your weaknesses, you can work on improving your act.You embrace a learning mind. Things change, information evol ves, the world is anything but static. Learning is a lifelong experience. Your ability to learn is the most important skill you have. To embrace a learning mind, you need to let go of a right or wrong approach.You open new possibilities. To err is to wander. Discovery means finding something unexpected or unknown, not something specific you were looking for. When you stop judging, you start discovering.You prioritize self-growth over your reputation. Your ego is your worst enemy, not being wrong. When you realize that your true-self, not your reputation or image, is what matters, you can tear off your masks.You dont need to prove anything. Thats the most important realization to let go of being always right.Practice being wrongIgnorance is a fine line that separates right and wrong. - Yash ThakurWhat you know imprisons you. Even worse, what you think you know, is what gets you stuck. Thats the dangerous side effect of being right all the time.Rightness is an illusion. Letting go of the attachment to-be-always-right requires self-awareness but, most importantly, to act against your instincts. Are you ready to challenge yourself? And to do things differently even if they feel wrong?The following small experiments will help you practice. Theres no right way to embrace a being wrong mindset. It takes humility and more courage than being right all the time. landsee what happens.Lose an argument on purpose. Concede defeat. Losing on purpose is liberating. You are more than winning. Experience how it feels being wrong (even if you are 100% convinced that you are not). It hurts, but its a powerful way to exercise empathy and walk in someone elses shoes.Support a decision you disagree with. Let someone else make a decision, especially one makes you feel uncomfortable. However, dont just agree to disagree. But rather agree to experiment. Let go of the power of being a manager, a team leader or a parent. When you delegate authority, you also resign to always being right. Adopt an opposite belief as true. Choose one aspect of life that you hold yourself as the absolute truth. It can be politics, religion, sex, education, whatever you hold strong. Now change your belief to the opposite. And for a week or so, experiment seeing the world, the news, and others through a lens that is the opposite of the one you normally apply. How does it feel? What have you discovered? What were you missing? The purpose is not to change your beliefs but to make sure they are not blinding you either.Prioritize being compassionate over being right. Giving up rightness is not easy. It creates suffering. The same happens to the other person when you want to win an argument at any cost. Realize when minimizing other persons pain is more important than your win. Some items in life are not that critical. Being compassionate matters more than being right. Be open to change your mind. Our beliefs and ideas change through time. Give yourself permission to evolve your thoughts. Don t get stuck into what you thought welches right. Changing your mind with a purpose is not betraying who you are its personal growth.Letting go of a right-wrong mentality is not easy.However, being constantly fighting to make your point is strenuous and pointless.Be selective with your battles. Things will pass, but dont miss the opportunity to be kind. Being human is more important than being right.Upgrade your mindsetReceive my weekly Insights for Changemakers Sign Up NowDownload my free ebook Stretch Your Mind (a compilation of exercises to experiment beyond your comfort zone).- - - Gustavo Razzettiis a Change Instigator helping people and teams lead change. Get his new bookhere.Thispostwas originally published onMedium.